CHAPTER 11: PADDY DECLARES WAR ON SADDAM HUSSEIN

Saddam Hussein was taking a nap

A knock on his door, tap tap tap!

In walked Kayoosh, phone in hand

“Excellency! your call from Ireland!”

As Kayoosh handed him the phone

A voice bellowed with a groan

“Saddam, I hereby declare war!

Teach you a lesson, maybe more! ”

The voice continued very loud and clear!

“I, Paddy Murphy, will soon strike fear!

To drive the Butcher of Bagdad from Erbil

Saddam, Oh, Saddam,  watch your rear!”

The Butcher of Baghdad didn’t even blink

Calmly he asked “How big is your team?”

Paddy slurred, as he tried hard to count

3, 4, no, flive of us,  inclush cuzzin Brown!”

“Stupid Irish drunk, you better sober up!

I have a million men, you be sitting ducks!”

Paddy sobered up but he wasn’t scared

“Begorrah! Saddam, I will call you back!”

Called back in a jiffy,  he shouted at Saddam

“War’s still on, we gotten six more arms!

Clearly sloshed, he rattled on and on

“Conor,  Sean and Liam, our new born!”

The Butcher tried hard not to laugh

“Since your call,  we grew big & tough!

Added a dozen Sikorskies just for fun

Once the war starts, you will be done!

This time Paddy thought long and hard

Calling  back only after a game of darts

“Saddam , Saddam, we have strategized

The last of our worry is your army size.

Saddam spoke calmly into his phone

“Oh, I hope this won’t rattle your bone

We started a solder-get-soldier scheme 

Now I have two million men in my team!

Paddy huddled with his men

Including tiny newborn Liam

They decided to take a vote

Paddy furiously taking notes

“Saddam, Saddam, a decision was made,

The war’s postponed to a far off date!”

Saddam the Butcher started to laugh

“You Irish  are scared so don’t bluff!”

  

The phone went silent for a minute or two

Then 7 Irish VOICES spoke, as if on cue

“OH, NO! WE AIN’T SCARED OF YOU

WE JUST CAN’T FIGURE OUT

JUST HOW TO GO ABOUT

HOUSING AND FEEDING

TWO MILLION IRAQI POWS!

PostScript:

Long live Paddy the Irish!

(10): DEAD OR ALIVE, POLITICIANS LIE!

A group of politicians went on a tour

A trip to enlighten, and a trip to learn

About the way farmers live their lives

And of course, how much do they earn!

A useful trip, so said the man in the street,

The taxpayers’ money will be well spent

Having more dialogues with our farmers

Will lift their spirits and the Nation’s brand

“The Nation’s brand is so very important

It creates new markets for our produce”

So said an Honorable Member of the House

Well dressed, well-fed, during the interview

But politicians never learn to stop

When they are still way ahead

They would just go on and on

Not giving their mouths a break

So the Honorable Member then continued

“And whilst we are there we might as well

Think of ways to tax the farmers more

And our national coffer’s sure to  swell!”

And so the trip finally started as planned

With 34 Members, both women and men

On a super luxurious bus, they toured the land

Things went well till the driver hit a sharp bend

The bus turned turtle, the politicians panicked

Not much  medical help, with  one tiny clinic

The sole doctor there gave the farmers a wink

The farmers replied “Make it splendid and quick!”

And the splendid job was quickly done

The farmers buried all the thirty-four

After the doc declared them very dead
And lamented “If only there were more!”

A little while later, the police arrived

And all the farmers gathered around

With the good doctor in attendance

The inspector then sat them down!

  

He questioned the doc and the farmers too

“Thirty four,  dead and buried”  so he mocked

“You mean to say all died there and then?

The inspector appeared to be still in shock!

The farmers grinned at him, with nary a blink

The doc hummed happily but he didn’t  sing

Then all exclaimed together loud and clear

Pausing in unison to breathe and to think

“A few did protest and loudly they cried

“We are not dead; we are still  alive!”

“But we continued burying them 

“AS WE ALL KNOW HOW POLITICIANS LIE!”